Pain and Reconciliation
by Latifah27
Summary: a memory from amy's past is troubling her deeply. fleetway fic. rated R just to be safe, may edit it a little.


I'd like to thank my friends Orin, Blushbunny, and Jessica Padkin. You three know why. This is a very painful subject, and it was very hard for me to write this. Another Fleetway fic.

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Amy sat down in her room, and tried to shake off an old memory. One that seemed to be intruding in her thoughts the more she tried to make it go away. Bad memories always seemed to do that. And this one was exceedingly painful. No matter how hard Amy tried, she couldn't get rid of it. She couldn't just tell it to go away and leave her in peace. Nope. Still there, mocking her, telling her that it was still there, and nothing she could do could ever erase it.

It was her fault. All her fault. If only she wasn't so damn annoying...

"No..." Amy quietly sobbed, "Please go away... please..."

Why did they do this to her? Why? Why were those kids so cruel?

The pink hedgehog broke down and wept, trying to regain composure, but failing miserably. Why did she cry so much and so often? She was supposed to be independent! That was what she vowed after that one incident with Captain Plunder. But here she was, crying like a big "bawl-baby" as her father would say.

Suddenly, Amy sat up, and without much thought, she lifted her hand and slapped her own face. Hard. She was wont to do that at times, when she failed miserably at whatever she was doing. And that did happen way too often. Sonic would get annoyed by her trying to help, her parents would get mad when she acted weird instead of following along with the group, or made social mistakes, or even just forgot things. She would mean to remember something, and then she'd forget it, and her parents would get mad at her and take her privileges away, claiming "It's not punishment. We're just trying to help you socially". At least she wasn't living with them anymore. She was living with the freedom-fighters now, and life was a little better, what with being famous and such.

But things were still bothering her. Memories. Bad ones.

Why did they do that to me? What did I do to them? Why?

*SMACK!*

*SMACK!*

And again, and again, and again, Amy smacked her face, and her arms and legs. Her limbs were covered with fur, so no bruises would show. It eased the pain a bit, but the awful memory was still there. That horrible, painful memory.

"Why can't I make it go away???" she choked on her tears.

The kitchen...

Amy composed herself a bit, and thought of something... then she wiped her tears and made her way to the kitchen. Sonic was out running, Tails was flying the Tornado, and Porker was in his lab, as usual. It would be the perfect time to do what she had to do.

Nobody was in the kitchen, and it was in the usual disarray. Amy went in and looked in the drawers, and fished out a wicked-looking sharp knife. It was one of those knives that was meant to cut meat, or home-made bread. Serrated edge. Probably very sharp. She took it and went back to her room. Once there, she looked at it, at those points on the blade... they were like miniature blades, meant to inflict more damage... possibly more pain...

Amy was rather squeemish when it came to blood, or having her skin cut so deep. The thought made her shudder. But it seemed to be the only way she could get rid of the pain, and those voices. No. She couldn't commit suicide. She was way too squeemish for that. Nope. Just a few cuts, to let the pain drown out her inner-anguish, to make the voices of her parents and others finally shut up. Just as she was about to make that first slash...

"Hey Amy! Guess what the looovely Norris Wimple's gotten himself into - WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING???"

She looked up to see that her door was open, and in the doorway stood her best friend, Tekno. And she was wearing a look of both shock and disbelief.

"I... I..." Amy began, too ashamed to speak.

"WHAT THE HELL - AMY!!! WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT???" Tekno screamed, "WHY - WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO CUT YOURSELF??? WHY??? PLEASE TELL ME WHY!!!"

Finally, the green canary calmed down. She was weary from her hysterical outburst, and her voice was a bit hoarse. Amy held her friend close, and patted her back. Then she told her the reason for what she was about to do.

"It happened when I was maybe six... eight at the most..." Amy sighed, "And I don't think you want to hear it. I'm so ashamed... you would think I'm stupid or something... or worse..."

"It's ok," Tekno said, "We're friends. I won't tell a soul. Whatever you say won't leave this room"

She hugged Amy, who then told her the story.

[flashback]

A young pink hedgehog was playing in her yard, a yard which was very big, and had plenty room for riding her bike or her scooter. And there were trees and hills of dirt to climb. Her family had just moved in, and she had made some friends, including with a couple of girls that were very nice to her.

Just then, she saw the two girls near the end of her property. Her parents didn't particularly like her being around them, but they were just parents, and parents often just liked making little girls do things that they didn't want to do, just because they were the parents and they could do that. They didn't understand her or those girls anyway.

The girls came up to her and smiled. One of them said that there was some chocolate on the ground. Amy's eyes lit up, since she loved chocolate, and her parents never gave her enough to satisfy her sweet-tooth. They pointed to a spot on the ground, and Amy looked at it, and what she saw didn't look like chocolate to her.

"That isn't chocolate!" she said, knowing that what was on the ground was very far from being that.

"Oh yes it is," said the girls, "look at our mouths. We ate some"

It took awhile, and every fiber in her body told her that she shouldn't eat it. But something else inside her told her that it was ok, that they were her friends, since they were talking to her and being nice to her. And if they were her friends, she could trust them, right?

So she reached down to where the 'chocolate' was...

[end of flashback]

Amy had to stop; she was crying too much. It was so painful. Tekno was appalled.

"Why would anyone make someone do that? Why would they make a child eat... that stuff... Those girls were just evil!"

"I know," Amy said, "But they didn't 'make' me do anything... I chose to do that..."

"But they took advantage of you!"

"I know. But it's my fault. I trusted them"

"IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!!!" Tekno yelled, "THEY TOOK ADVANTAGE OF YOU!!! IT'S THEIR FAULT!!! THEY WERE EVIL, EVIL GIRLS!!! YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!!!"

Amy shook her head. "I must've done something wrong, because my parents punished me for that. They punished me, and not those two girls. They punished me. I was banned from eating any chocolate for awhile. And all because I trusted those two girls"

"It's not your fault," Tekno repeated.

THEN WHY DID MY PARENTS PUNISH ME???" Amy screamed, "THEY SEEMED TO LIKE TO PUNISH ME ALOT!!! BUT THEY NEVER DID ANYTHING TO THOSE TWO GIRLS!!! IT'S ALL MY FAULT FOR TRUSTING THEM, FOR EVEN BEING AROUND THEM!!! AND I KNOW I MUST'VE DONE SOMETHING TO MAKE THEM MAD, BECAUSE I SOMETIMES DID SOME DUMB STUFF!!!"

"Please Amy," Tekno said, "Believe me when I say that it's not your fault. You did nothing to deserve that"

"THEN WHY DID THEY TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME??? WHY??? AND WHY DID MY PARENTS PUNISH ME, AND NOT THEM??? WHY DID THEY PUNISH ME, INSTEAD OF JUST TELLING ME NOT TO TRUST EVERYBODY??? I WAS SO CONVINCED THAT IT WAS CHOCOLATE, THAT I EVEN TRIED GETTING ANOTHER NEIGHBOURHOOD KID TO EAT THAT STUFF!!! WHY DID THEY TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME??? WHY DID THEY TAKE ADVANTAGE OF MY TRUST???"

Amy broke down crying.

"I don't know why they did that," Tekno whispered, "I honestly don't know. They were just wicked, evil girls. They weren't your friends. But you were so little... I don't think you would've been able to understand that... you were too young..."

Amy sniffled, and nodded.

"I didn't quite... grasp... the concept of kids lying to other kids, y'know... I always thought kids only lied to adults, and only... only because they were kids... and kids were bad..."

Tekno just let her friend cry some more into her shirt. How could they have done something so cruel and heartless? She was only a kid, for crying out loud! Kids... they could be so mean sometimes...

Amy continued.

"Back then, I thought that good guys were born that way, and bad guys were born bad... that police officers were born with their whistles in their mouths, and clubs in their hands, and uniforms instead of baby-clothes; burglers were born with their masks around their eyes, and with those ridiculous costumes... and... you know what I'm talking about?"

Tekno nodded, and hugged her friend.

"We make choices. Nobody is born as a 'good-guy' or 'bad-guy'. We make choices in life, and they determine who we are, and who we become. Those girls made a choice to betray you, and you were a pure, naive child. You couldn't have known that they were just trying to hurt you. It's not your fault. There was a story I heard about a girl who... went... in a cup... and told a girl she didn't like that it was some kind of soda... that was evil. Those girls were just like that. It wasn't your fault. It was their fault"

After hugging and crying for awhile, with the door locked, of course, both girls were in much better spirits. For Amy, talking about what she went through was a cleansing experience. She realized that people do care about her, and that she isn't alone in this world.

That night, she looked up at the sky, and smiled. Johnny would be proud. Amy wished that she could hug him once more, but she knew tht she'd be with him again someday. His death wasn't Sonic's fault, and Sonic had eventually realized that. It was all Perfect Chaos' choice. All the choice of a fish that had been zapped with chaos-energy. He had chosen to be evil. And Robotnik had chosen to be evil. As did Grimer, Lord Sidewinder, Nack, and every villain they had encountered. It was a choice.

All a choice.

Amy slept better that night than she had in months, and her dreams were pleasent ones, where she was in the arms of Johnny Lightfoot, her rabbit-friend who had died at the hands of Chaos. He was a hero, and he died one. Wherever he was, he was probably very happy. Seeing him in her dreams didn't bother Amy, because she had since come to terms with his death. Maybe he was there to reassure her in the only way he could, or maybe it was just her brain giving her closure. She prefered the former, but either way, she didn't care, because she had just put a painful memory behind her, and now she would just get on with her life.

"Thank you," she whispered.

...and Johnny smiled and winked at her.


End file.
